mehmory block

My self-aborbed life has had a few interruptions. Not sure how I ever managed to be a husband and father. I'm a lousy person when I reflect upon the lack of effort I've put into relationships.
I've reconnected with a friend and I feel things for her in the past couple weeks that I hadn't in the previous fifteen years. Maybe I got burnt out after trying to understand her and when she re-emerged ten years ago I was cold towards her.  We kept in touch with birthday wishes and such, but I didn't recall any of the interaction until getting around to searching my semi-abandoned yahoo account yesterday.
Reading my words to her in '05, '06, '07, '08 & '10, I now sense wonder of whether I wrote the things I wrote, for I don' t recall any of the exchanges. They're my words for I recognize my sentence structure along with the words within, but yet they seem alien to my memories. I was horrid and detached.
I didn't realize how much hurt I felt the last time I saw her in '98. I buried a part of myself that somehow became uncovered after fifteen plus years.
I hated myself for liking her, but now she's back and everything seems different in a good way.