tired

It has been tiring for me to to deal with thinking about things beyond my normal routines. Death is not normal. Family gatherings and the like are normal for everyone else but me it feels. In the past year, I've made an attempt to be more connected with people from my past, but it wasn't quite productive for I still don't like being out and about or talking with people outside of my home.
The blog has been a means of being elsewhere, I suppose.
The blog hit a million page views, but I don't think it's anything to do with content. Not sure the reflecting is the voice I want to cast as my legacy if I were to cease doing such.
So much more that I probably should be doing.
I'm not talking about mourning, but rather getting stuff done as a whole.
Being inconvenience by life events is something I don't handle well it seems. I just need to be less human and more machine. More logic driven action than idle pondering inaction is needed, I'm a procrastinator at best. I guess being depressed is my norm. It craters and feels fine most of the time but it's a dull numbness I betray as my inner feelings.
Prior to the memorial service Monday, I had only eaten donuts and sweet rolls... I don't remember Saturday, but Sunday was all about donuts.
I need to sleep, for I have stuff to do in the morning.