too much free time

Not sure where my time goes, but I have a fair share of free time. I used to blog a bit in hopes of filling content that could lead to pageviews and thus revenue from AdSense clicks.  Nothing worthwhile came of the blah. I have moments when I review stuff I wrote and wonder about its origins. If I consumed alcohol or other mindbenders, I'd be better able to explain my lack of memory or the fact that I've had reoccurring thoughts that I never acted upon.

My wife is nine months pregnant with our third child, and I find myself thinking I don't remember being around doing the previous two pregnancies aside from conception and delivery. I have reasons for my aloofness, but they are silly. I was trying to not feel the pain I felt when we had a miscarriage.

I love my children and appreciate them more given that we suffered the loss. I am hardly the best I can be, and I have not settled for being a second rate husband and father, yet I have my blah days where I am on cruise control of selfish interests of isolation.

It's Christmas, and I can safely say my Christmases as an adult have been better than those I had prior to my meeting J. Life is too short not to appreciate each moment, yet I find myself reflecting here. I suppose that it could be worse, like playing video games, watching sports, or another mindless thing that is like empty caloric consumption.

Just a reminder to myself that blog entries should exist reflecting upon AAA tow truck drivers, ImproveIt repairmen, random mouse in the house, reconstituting the crib, Garmin GPS failure, Skinny Dip, Richard Zacks, FM/AM radio failure, Mazda5s, letter of apology from CENLAR, and seeing family after 5 years  as though nothing happened to cause an estrangement.

Last thought of tonight: When I was at work the other night, the kids there had skateboards. I remember when skating wasn't cool.