Easter

Awoke around 8 to the sound of the children going through their baskets. I've been sleeping in a bit during the staycation. With the bathroom done, I really don't have much to do that motivates me. Leaving the house to go to the Home Depot or Ace just seems weird. I'm getting restless to go back to normal, yet April is not even half complete.
We watched all of Picard in a few days. Finished this morning after the kids were done with their baskets. Jennifer cried. She's now watching episodes relevant to the show. We almost missed ukulele lessons at 4.
I edged my front lawn. We had steaks on the grill. We watched Onward.
Should be a hard week for the kids. Spring break ends tomorrow.

I think today was Tuesday

Officially been home... 2 weeks and started my 3rd, I think.

I'm completely done doing the bathroom. I put the sink and mirror back today.

It's tiny, but it's very nice.

I wasn't thrilled about screwing the sink into the wall, but given I had one inch tiles I screwed through the grout lines easily.

Started to clean up my garage. It's been my work space for sawing and such. I think I used every tool set I own during this project, so I had everything thrown about the carhole.

I really don't throw out anything I could use someday, so I hauled bunch of odd things into my barn/shed in addition to my saws. I still have to put my tool boxes/cases away, but I have random pieces misplaced that I am trying to sort back into the proper set.

My garage has been a mess for a while. I need to organize it.  The barn needs to be cleaned up as well.

Regardless, I still need to make room for a car to fit inside the garage. Especially, since we had breaks and shocks done for the Passat today.

resolutions

So I had a few resolutions I wanted implemented or whatever one does with them, but eating birthday cake for a week ruins one while realities make others equally illogistical. Yes, I'm talking about my stupid hands failing me and my fear of needing surgery.
Washing dishes by hand is a drag. Baby bottles make me overzealous in soaking, rinsing and boiling.
Did I mention I'm 36 and my new boss is 20? Oh, well... I just gotta hold onto my ego and focus on my primary job of stay at home dad... that boss is eight months old.

after busy weekend

Aside from heading into work, making dinner, and scheduling an appointment for our recently purchased vehicle, I didn't accomplish much. Didn't really try. I fed the kids other meals, but I forget myself once.
Never thought I would enjoy driving but the Passat changed that.

transitioning

I wanted to write a book once titled: The Secret to Knowing Everything. Curious, I typed it into a library catalog and Freakonomics popped up. I had never heard of it. I was a lousy librarian in that I didn't care for books, but rather answering queries. I never worked in public library, so I was pop culturally sheltered.
AW I eventually won a copy of Freakonomics as a door prize at a librarian conference held on October 30, 2009 in Wilmington. My old boss who laid me off was in charge of door prizes, but I left before my name was drawn. Naturally, a librarian from Stow Campus got it for me and mailed it to me. My campus is a few miles from my old job and I was on good terms with my old boss, so I found it very bizarre.
(I remember the date because was a Friday and a dude that presented dressed as a historically accurate pirate for Halloween)
Very weird how I came across the book, for I hadn't read it though I wanted to read it upon my first seeing pop up in random book about knowing everything search.
I liked the book. I don't agree with much of it but it was interesting. Jon Lott Jr. has a book that was a retort called Freedomnomics that I saw at Half Price Books and eventually read. I enjoyed it. I like seeing different sides of stuff. No one seems to share my opinions completely, so I just laugh at the bogus reasoning some conjure to meet their memes of progress is good because we are smarter than you so don't question authority.
So I'm reading Super Crunchers because it w in the area that game theory would reside if J had such books at her work. The book is old considering it has Cingular and Circuit City cited as companies utilizing super data mining to yield massive profits off ignorant customers being bilked by smoothly individualized marketing via the Internet. Manipulating people to think stuff as though they have free will to do
 so is just plain evil. Totally explains how people act irrational with confidence.

I'm in a plateau phase of my life. I've a baby who needs me until she's ready for school, so I plan to be mentally challenged by having a balanced information diet to prepare for my reemergence from semi retirement. The blog will serve as a pondering tool, if I blog at all.

why bleach

Anyone from my dorm days could say a number of things about me, and I doubt I could argue. I don't remember stuff beyond conversations with a few people, but the smell of bleach always makes me think of how easy my co-op job was.
I cleaned the bathroom for my floor during most of my two years in the dorm. As part of the reduced boarding rate, everyone there worked in some capacity 5-8 hours a week, supposedly. I never had a scheduled job, so I didn't work by the hour like the office and cafeteria people did. All I had to do was make sure the stuff I had to clean was done before 9pm, and I didn't have a supervisor to make sure my job was done well or done at all.
I had the cleanest bathroom in the whole dorm, I was told by countless people.
See, I was probably the only person that even tried to clean daily. I may have worked an average of 15 minutes a day, but they were efficient minutes. 4 toilets, 4 sinks, and 4 shower stalls stay clean if you are not afraid to use bleach, otherwise mold and such take over very quickly.
I'm essentially doing the same job I had in the dorm, but I clean a carwash. I hate cleaning my house and other things, but I don't mind cleaning for other people willing to pay me. My standards are higher than most, so when I do a meh job by my standards, I get praise. Meh isn't my standard for home and I can't clean to my standard so I just assume not clean, most of the time.
I'm having a good day, thus far. I need to clean though.

pressing reset and mental lapses of time

Most days I lose a few hours in the sense they are wasted idly, as far as I can gather. I'm not dazing or anything, or at least I don't think I'm thinking about anything.
Obviously, I'm an internet junky on various levels, but the internet makes life simpler, right?
I guess I could blame my mind being fragmented by having a five month old whose cries and cues are tripwires to my forward thinking kill switch. Nah. A third child does makes my mind think differently, but I was flawed before D. Actually, my mental lapses started before K was even on the way.
Speaking recently with a friend from the time before J, LSD, I got the notion I need to be challenged more to get de-lulled.
Just wish there were a reset button or something to simplify my being so I could be more efficient. I guess I have lot on my mind that I don't say aloud.
Had a texting spat with J yesterday. She's been mad that I didn't hang in the driveway while she washed our car when I got back from visiting my folks. B ran into my arms, while J didn't move. She ceased spraying the hose long enough to say she didn't know when I'd be home. I got home exactly when I said I would when I last spoke with her, so I figure she doesn't care enough to listen to anything I say. No idea why she thinks washing the car in the driveway is worthwhile considering I WORK AT A CARWASH AND GET THEM FREE, but that would imply that I could take the car to work. J thinks the blue cars will die on the road and leave her stranded, which means she hopes i get stranded, I guess.
AW I went inside the house and sat in the cold a/c of K's room and chilled at his laptop for a few moments. Driving three and a half hours alone on a humid day is not hard, but I had other things on my mind and just wasn't in the mood to stand in the driveway as J hosed down the car. She had D out there. I'd have hugged D, but I would have just put her back down to go inside and do the things one does after a significant drive. D was content in her bouncer. I missed my girls while I was gone. Sure D has a hole in her heart, but she's fine according to the cardiologist as long as she's comfortably eating and gaining weight.
My dad is probably dying. He's not been well for as long as J has known me, so she only knows my dad as the complete jerk he's been as he fights his illness. I sound dreadful, but his brain has warped because he's afraid of dying and is in constant pain. He's like a junky, I guess. He could be an extra in Schindler's List, he's so frail these days.

feeling motivated

Irony is what humors me most. One day I'm told I lack empathy another I'm told I'm consumed by hatred. I'm trying to be more empathetic these days, and I have been avoiding hatred a while. If I hate anything I would say it's my lack of focus. Living vicariously via social media isn't my bag, but I find myself wanting to be able to do things like others do, but I know that I AM NOT PERSONALLY THERE YET for lots of things. I would like to go to church, but I have three hindrances. I'm not keen on strangers. I don't like being away from my wife and kids. I'm technically poor and feel I'd need to tithe, and I don't want to appear poor or cheap because I don't have funds to spare. Sure poor people go to church all the time, I just have a pride issue.

Anyways, the whole spat of QOTD of late started when I was thinking about glaciers. We are in an Ice Age according to the wikiapedia, though climate change of warming variety has been in the news, anyways KV started his most read work with a conversation basically saying glaciers are forever. Then I was looking at other quotes and thought of the others I admire most. WSB lived a long time as did KV and knew the latter's neighbor before he was famous. WSB is in the book the dude is most famous for writing in a scroll format. Anyways, I saw the gun quote and laffed because he killed his wife while playing William Tell. I think it's in the movie, I know it's the book.

I'm not a fan of the Beatles, but the fact they got their name from WSB's circle of friends and WSB was a junky gun nut along with the phony killing MDC made the Lennon QOTD über ironic.

Hmmm... it seems that blogger needs the ability to footnote so I can better explain my thought process for less confusion, or I should go on permanent hiatus. Perhaps the latter since I can still see and my loving daughters aren't old enough to take dictation. Then again, blogger allows for comments which could be utilized as footnotes if a dialog occurs regarding  my allusions.

DYK that roughly 1.2 million people die worldwide each year from car accidents and the vast majority of accidents are caused by human error? Anyone can be a killer behind the wheel of a car. Maybe I need to talk about cars next?

goals to consider

• Sleep better
• Eat better
• Try to spend an hour of attention to each child daily
• Have an empty sink
• Have a basic schedule to achieve above(organizized)
• Write daily
• Read daily
• Do something nice for J daily
• Stretch and touch toes one day
• Limit internet usage(irony doesn't elude me)

Power of Spite

So I just completed Chapter 3 of Think Like a Freak(TLAF), and I feel like I did when I saw Mr. Vonnegut on the evening of November 6, 1998. Meh.

Nothing really new to enlighten my thinking, thus far.

weekend preview

Feeling tired. I may not dmt this post since I didn't nap before work. We went out for Dixie Dairy Dreem rather than dinner at home, so things were skewed along with the fact I slept until noon after I got off phone at 5:40 DTM. Maybe I need to sleep six or less hours to merit a nap, but my mind wanted one as I drove to work. Meh, it's my weekend now.
I think I know what's for dinner and I know Mr. Selfridge is scheduled, but the rest of Monday depends on how the stars align. Tuesday only has Agents of SHIELD as a definite maybe. All depends on how the stars align... I would hope to get up and about before the kindergarten bus motors through but I have to be on the ball at 6 DMT to consider that. Well I have coffee made in the Aladdin so I may have a go if the alignment of balls of gas in distant places dictate as much. I just don't want to be sucked into place that makes feel me like a bad parent when time comes unstuck.

sometimes a conversation is better.

HAL jr has been of line a month. Where does time go? Waiting for D to finish feeding before attempting sleep. J was on couch, so I knew D was due a feeding.  Soon after I arrived home.
Was totally surprised to get a few text messages today from someone other than J, made me wonder if the world was okay. Hmmm... humors me when people think I'm bored or grumpy, for I never get asked either when I am but quite the opposite.
I wander about when I am bored and not confined to home for obvious reasons.
Anyways, I like texting more than Facebook. I clean walls for a living, why would I write on one?
I saw Kurt Vonnegut speak once. I remember it quite well, it was disappointing. Man was frail and such and talked nonsense to most people that weren't Vonnegut nuts. She who won't be named sat to my right. I remember going to get her from her apartment and the walk to the Hillel. I think she spoke to people she knew along the way more than she did during our evening together. Hmmm... why did I ask if she  wanted to go? I had 4 tickets that I got free by asking the powers that be for them. I gave 2 to my then best friend who didn't go because it was his 21st and though he liked KV, preferred getting messed up. He gave the tickets to Jason Decker and Ms. Mavis. I liked them, so the tickets found a good home, perhaps better than the other two did.
I think that was the last time we hung together, but I could be wrong. Sometimes the end is unexpected and forgettable, thus only memorable things get credit for being such. Maybe in 10 years we'll run into each other while we're out with our adult sons at that same age as us at the Hillel. It doesn't matter, she was there for me at a rough time and I can say that life is a vague memory now, thankfully.
D finished during the above muttering, and along with my being tired I've lost my theme focus. Oh, I know, texting is great but a call at home is better.

giving up

I've come to the conclusion that freewill is an illusion. That said I will continue to do the things I feel like doing but without the expectation of achieving any intended meaningful purpose to said act. I'm doubling down on apathy. I'm going to coast until I hit a wall or come across something that makes me excited. I'm going to read think like a freak and I'm going to be meh about reading it. I feel it will give me reason to take notes and be a jerk in response to every assumption made by the two. I think that there's a section about using coin flips to make decisions. Hmmmm. I normally don't think of decisions in a yes or no manner.

hiatus of another sort

Still feeling sad about nt having a pc. Laptop and nook don't feel natural to me in that shifting is an after thought. Maybe myhands are failing me? They don't hurt or have numbness, yet they don't feel normal. I've my 6 month appt with fp in a month, might get a referral for the ct.
I need to refrain from garbage like overusing nook and laptop for they're stunting my flow of thought with an obsessive nature.
Still trying to figure out where I m in the big picture of things. I waste my  commodity  of time as though I am worthless.
Typing isn't enjoyable at the moment. I need to busy doing things though my mind is pondering what I wish I could be typing.
I look forward to dying for I know typing will be the least of my concerns, just gotta kill time with fun memories between now and my end, I guess.

mehmory block

My self-aborbed life has had a few interruptions. Not sure how I ever managed to be a husband and father. I'm a lousy person when I reflect upon the lack of effort I've put into relationships.
I've reconnected with a friend and I feel things for her in the past couple weeks that I hadn't in the previous fifteen years. Maybe I got burnt out after trying to understand her and when she re-emerged ten years ago I was cold towards her.  We kept in touch with birthday wishes and such, but I didn't recall any of the interaction until getting around to searching my semi-abandoned yahoo account yesterday.
Reading my words to her in '05, '06, '07, '08 & '10, I now sense wonder of whether I wrote the things I wrote, for I don' t recall any of the exchanges. They're my words for I recognize my sentence structure along with the words within, but yet they seem alien to my memories. I was horrid and detached.
I didn't realize how much hurt I felt the last time I saw her in '98. I buried a part of myself that somehow became uncovered after fifteen plus years.
I hated myself for liking her, but now she's back and everything seems different in a good way.

tengo hambre

I am not one to think of food for the sake of thinking of food. Hunger is something I am prone to neglect, until I find myself thinking: "tengo hambre!"

Probably the best Spanish phrase which translates to my subconscious mind. I don't need to eat, but I have hunger until I forget about the sensation and get a headache.

Monday- a day to ponder weekend events

*When I got work on Saturday, the shift manager told me that our assistant manager had given his two weeks. I was shocked. Sure, the guy was a horrible person in that he treated people poorly and couldn't fix anything, but he was the sort of guy that seemed to have plans to move up.
Since I started in January, ALL of my four supervisors have resigned. This latest dude was the one I'd have figured to have left first until the other three left allowing him to move up the pecking order.

Weirdest thing is that it's rumored that he doesn't have another job lined up.

*Saturday was a long day. It started earlier than normal with my be up and on the go with K to the camping grounds. I'm glad we didn't spend the night. Their breakfast was burnt and they only had instant coffee. 

After being there 6 hours, I was bored and tired. K was wanting to leave before we arrived so just putting forth the effort was something to be considered positive.

*I think I napped when I got back from Cub Scouts, but I don't remember.

*B spent the night with her grandparents since J was at work and I didn't feel B would be fun to bring camping.

I really missed B. Thankfully she came back before I left for work.

*Sunday, I slept until noon and got moving around 12:30. didn't feel up to doing anything but I forced myself to mow the grass and to get some necessities from Kroger. 

J baked an apple pie. I love her. Pie is something that reminds me of how lucky I am, but I count my blessings regularly.

*I did other things, but I don't recall. I do know that I didn't watch any football or baseball.

hot

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Fuzzy on the edges

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After ten years, you'd think

Got a letter from BBB in the mail on Saturday for a business based out our house 15 years ago. So I did the "return to sender" and thought it was weird to get their mail after they moved in '98, and the people that they sold to moved five years later. It's been a while since the previous owners got mail here, but I got ANOTHER item for the 20th century owners TODAY.
Strange to think 10 years have come and gone in this old house and I still need to fix things. Maybe I have too much time on my hands and lack the sense of urgency to get things done...