Meaning is derived from the sum of life

What's the point of doing anything? 

I say things like "I just work here" and "meh" a lot. It's hard to care about things that ultimately don't matter. Sure, I get annoyed by trivial things, but I probably am "on the spectrum" and will find things to annoy me. 

I dunno if I'm on the spectrum. I've been diagnosed  as bipolar in the past but I never felt that was an accurate assessment. I have obsessive qualities, yet I have problems focusing.

I get bored. Boredom is depressing, yet I do not feel like doing things because I don't see the point of doing them.

The bathroom project took 7 years because I wasn't motivated. I just saw obstacles and didn't want to tear everything up without getting it done and finished. 

As soon as the bathroom was done, I was freed up to do baseboards that I neglected to finish for 15 years or so. My FIL put up the baseboards I stained and polyurethaned until he decided mid-project to frame the entrance to the kitchen with the said baseboard. I didn't have anymore baseboard on hand so it wasn't finished.  I never had a miter saw during much of the preceding years, and my loving spouse changed her mind about the baseboard.

I struggle to complete tasks 100%. I will get things liveable and meander into presentable, but getting everything on a project finished is mission impossible.

I really don't try to be the way I am.

Procrastinating is what it seems to be on the surface. 

Why procrastinate? Life is simpler when you get stuff done, yet putting stuff off until tomorrow seems like a good idea too often when things hit a snag because moving forward brings a new problem and the solution you currently have may not be ideal.

Am I perfectionist? No. Hardly, but I hate doing things that will have to be fixed if other parties aren't content.

Am I shifting blame to other parties? I'm making excuses for not moving on.

Home ownership is an endless cycle of fixing and replacing. Once one project is done something else needs attention. Never fails. The bathroom and baseboard were finished, so someone strongly suggested the basement needed drywall to replace the horrid paneling. Since we were putting in new walls, the light fixtures needed replaced. Since we wanted ceiling fans, why not replace ALL the ceiling fans to make them match.

We got a new front door last year from Pella. I put in a brand-new door between the basement and the garage once so I know it would take me a couple days. I will not do exterior doors because I take too long to get things done. Anyways, Pella messed up, so they had to come out at least a half dozen times. Ironic that I could have done it within a week and it took them MONTHS.

Okay, I did take a few years to get around to put up moulding around the new door, but the basement wasn't a priority until last couple years.

Yes, I am still working on my basement project. I sanded mud I put last weekend today. I hope to get some more mudding done tomorrow. I'm close to finishing the drywalling. Might be able to prime and paint when I'm off first week of July.

I have to order furniture for my room. Nothing fancy. Practical things from IKEA like a wardrobe and a desk. I've not had a closet to hang clothes in forever and I mostly wear khakis and polos to work. I tend throw clothes everywhere as I've not had furniture against the walls for a year and a half now. 

I've also not had a desk in a very long time, so I tend to have papers and such in random piles in "my room." A computer would be nifty for said desk. Filing taxes on my phone was a pain. 

Having piles everywhere means I'm not thinking about daily things with any sense of structure.

I was taking a shower this morning when it dawned on me that I may have forgotten to pay taxes for the quarter. I was hoping it was due in July but nope. I eventually paid the estimate I'll owe come April, today.

It was mildly unnerving to have to use the computer in K's room. It was the family computer before COVID.  All the kids had to have their own computers after COVID, K got the desktop. Everything tax wise is saved on that computer, so I prefer using it but he's mostly on it or in his room.

Being an adult isn't hard. Sure, you have more responsibilities that create new responsibilities with each new day, but you learn to prioritize the big things and how to do the minor essential things on cruise control.

Last summer, I was teaching K how to drive. After he failed his driving test a couple times, I thought maybe he wasn't meant to drive, but I had sunk costs of 50+ hours of being beside him as he learned that I wasn't prepared to let go of the prospect of him being able to commute to college rather than him having to live on campus and racking up a ton more in debt.

As I was saying, priorities shift. K needed his license more than the basement needed finished. Putting in lights was easier than putting up drywall. Going back to work full-time has been tiring and makes doing projects around the house limited to weekends with fixing dinner and chauffeuring kids places being priority.

Weekends. They're not long enough but that's when family get-togethers happen and all the loose ends from the week get sorted. I tend to sleep more than my normal week day 5-6 hours amount , so Saturday and Sunday are shorter than the week days.

Being tired or busy, makes daily life a blur when trying to recall what happens from day to day at times. I want to do new things and some old forgotten things as well but I have priorities that are basically working themselves first with my meager attention and time.  Distractions happen but I am still working towards getting finished with whatever I am doing.  Not all priorities are equal.